For three of the last fourteen months I wore a sling. Six weeks when I first broke my arm, then six weeks after reverse total shoulder arthroplasty, rTSA. Even after the first bout with the sling it was obvious by the way I carried my right arm that it wasn't of much use to me. I might as well have been wearing a sign that said "open the door for this woman," or "offer to help her with her packages." Of course, I was rewarded to see that chivalry is not dead and I really appreciate the Publix bag boy (a man ten years older than I) taking my groceries out to the car. It was very thoughtful of Dear Husband to take on little household jobs to relieve me. And Dear Son in Law (I wonder if it is beau fils in French?) hurried around to open the car door and offer a hand. (But in his case he was just raised right and he probably didn't notice I was compromised and is too polite to have mentioned it if he had.)
But at first it took a lot of self restraint not to snappishly say "I can do it myself." Was I just a little defensive? Why is it so hard to let a stranger, even a family member, do something nice for us? I totally get it...I don't think twice about holding the door for a 6'3" construction worker or letting the mom with the cranky child go in front of me in line. So why don't I recognize the generous action of someone else as just that, not some kind of evolutionary analysis of my vulnerability? Do I think they are going to see me as the weak link in the caveman clan and knock me over the head with a club?
So I practiced smiling and saying, "yes, thank you. That would be very helpful." I tried to add an extra 'how nice of you' as they walked away. It felt awkward at first but I began to realize how pleased the people were to help. That it made them feel good and useful and think that if their mom could see them that she would be very proud. And besides, I came to recognize that I really needed the help.
Now I'm doing better. I look healthier and I don't walk like a bird with a broken wing. Well, not so
much anyway. Little acts of kindness have turned in to more of a give and get arrangement. I'm glad I can once again do something nice for a stranger, nothing too big yet. And I really appreciate a helping hand occasionally.
Now if I can just share what I've learned with Dear Husband who is struggling with a brace on his injured right ankle and is determined to "do it himself."
http://youtu.be/SkyqRP8S93Y
Archive timeline: 2014: May and June - preparing for surgery, July - surgery and post op problems, August - recovery and physical therapy, September..Thinking medically, - October -
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