We've all heard the saying "opposites attract" and it certainly seems true. I can't think of a single couple where the two people have the same personality. If one is outgoing, the other is shy. If the husbsnd is frugal, the wife is a spendthrift. At least it starts out that way. After years together couples do tend to take on each other's characteristics. They even start to look like each other. But those similarities tend to be superficial or cosmetic. Maybe it's just easier to assume a mutual "couple" identity than to constantly be swimming upstream.
But the basic two position union has its advantages. The "pessimist" keeps the family grounded somewhere near reality while the "optimist" allows hope to survive in dire situations. It's certainly true of Dear Husband and me. He hears the doctor say "this surgery has only a small chance of relieving your pain and restoring use of your arm," while I hear "this procedure is your best hope for getting back to normal function and being pain free." Of course the surgeon made both statements and they are not mutually exclusive. But what each of us takes away from the encounter is a totally different outlook for the surgical prognosis.
What I, the family Pollyanna, have come to accept is that reality is going to be somewhere in the middle. It's not going to be as good as I expect nor as bad as Dear Husband foresees. I need someone to bring me to reasonable expectations and he really wants someone to assuage his worst fears and instill hope.
But what is it that draws us to a person of such polar opposite thinking? I think we are aware of the irrationality of our way of facing life, even if we don't or can't verbalize it. We're careless and we are impressed by the person who is careful. We're not very social and we admire someone who finds it easy to make and have friends. My laissez-faire attitude needs a let's-not-try-that balancing element even if my conscious brain doesn't know it.
It's wonderful how fate looks out for us. Of course, those very opposite qualities that unconsciously attracted us to our partner all those years ago are the very things that drive us crazy about them as time goes by. Not to say we don't still need them.
But the basic two position union has its advantages. The "pessimist" keeps the family grounded somewhere near reality while the "optimist" allows hope to survive in dire situations. It's certainly true of Dear Husband and me. He hears the doctor say "this surgery has only a small chance of relieving your pain and restoring use of your arm," while I hear "this procedure is your best hope for getting back to normal function and being pain free." Of course the surgeon made both statements and they are not mutually exclusive. But what each of us takes away from the encounter is a totally different outlook for the surgical prognosis.
What I, the family Pollyanna, have come to accept is that reality is going to be somewhere in the middle. It's not going to be as good as I expect nor as bad as Dear Husband foresees. I need someone to bring me to reasonable expectations and he really wants someone to assuage his worst fears and instill hope.
But what is it that draws us to a person of such polar opposite thinking? I think we are aware of the irrationality of our way of facing life, even if we don't or can't verbalize it. We're careless and we are impressed by the person who is careful. We're not very social and we admire someone who finds it easy to make and have friends. My laissez-faire attitude needs a let's-not-try-that balancing element even if my conscious brain doesn't know it.
It's wonderful how fate looks out for us. Of course, those very opposite qualities that unconsciously attracted us to our partner all those years ago are the very things that drive us crazy about them as time goes by. Not to say we don't still need them.
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