I read a brief article about happiness recently. It purported that the lower your expectations the happier you were if something went well. It made me think of my post 121 "Judging Success." While objective postoperative tests did not show great improvement in a group of shoulder replacement patients, subjectively they were generally quite satisfied with the results of their surgery. Their surgeons were rather disappointed that the results were not better and conversely the patients thought they were doing very well all things considered.
It's that "all things considered" part that makes such a big difference. Maybe the older we get the more realistic we are in what we expect out of life. When I consider the fact that I could not raise my arm more than about 15 degrees prior to surgery, I am quite happy with a full range of motion at the price of some discomfort. When I look around and see the serious illness that afflicts one friend or another, I am not so sorry for what I have to deal with. There's that parable in which everyone puts their troubles in a pile and is permitted to take out the troubles they would rather have. In the end, everyone chooses to take back their own troubles, the ones they came with, the ones they know.
But...
Is expecting less a cop out? It hardly seems the American way. Aren't we supposed to shoot for the moon, aim for the stars, something like that. What if Steve Jobs had settled for a less innovative computer, had not taken the gui and run with it? What if Bill Gates had agreed that his software should be shareware because that was the way it had always been before? Is it that only geniuses like them can get away with aiming too high? That the rest of us have to be realistic?
Is realistic expectations the equivalent of lowering your expectations? Or does lowering your expectations imply that you had lofty dreams and you gave up on them? As a mother none of us is ever going to tell our child to aim lower, although we may discourage the idea of a pro sports career, for instance. Realistic expectations allow for less stellar accomplishments while not ruling out the possibility of pulling off an heroic, game winning shot at the basket.
So, expect less and you'll be happier? I don't think so. I want it all. It's okay to be surprised, even astonished by events but I want to reach for the stars and perhaps surprise everyone else when I catch one but I knew I could do it! I accept the occasional disappointment for the rare thrill of total shocking success.
It's that "all things considered" part that makes such a big difference. Maybe the older we get the more realistic we are in what we expect out of life. When I consider the fact that I could not raise my arm more than about 15 degrees prior to surgery, I am quite happy with a full range of motion at the price of some discomfort. When I look around and see the serious illness that afflicts one friend or another, I am not so sorry for what I have to deal with. There's that parable in which everyone puts their troubles in a pile and is permitted to take out the troubles they would rather have. In the end, everyone chooses to take back their own troubles, the ones they came with, the ones they know.
But...
Is expecting less a cop out? It hardly seems the American way. Aren't we supposed to shoot for the moon, aim for the stars, something like that. What if Steve Jobs had settled for a less innovative computer, had not taken the gui and run with it? What if Bill Gates had agreed that his software should be shareware because that was the way it had always been before? Is it that only geniuses like them can get away with aiming too high? That the rest of us have to be realistic?
Is realistic expectations the equivalent of lowering your expectations? Or does lowering your expectations imply that you had lofty dreams and you gave up on them? As a mother none of us is ever going to tell our child to aim lower, although we may discourage the idea of a pro sports career, for instance. Realistic expectations allow for less stellar accomplishments while not ruling out the possibility of pulling off an heroic, game winning shot at the basket.
So, expect less and you'll be happier? I don't think so. I want it all. It's okay to be surprised, even astonished by events but I want to reach for the stars and perhaps surprise everyone else when I catch one but I knew I could do it! I accept the occasional disappointment for the rare thrill of total shocking success.
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