1-1-15!...PO Day 200

Working on my New Years resolutions. Happy new year, everyone.




Archive timeline: 2014: May and June - preparing for surgery, July - surgery and post op problems, 
August - recovery and physical therapy, September - thinking medically, October - getting back to 
normal. November. -still in recovery, December-6 months and holding.

Re-gifting...PO Day 199

...and December addendum.

I always end a month with a wrap up of what is going on with my shoulder but I could not resist the natural segue  from gifting to re-gifting. The first public exposure of secret re-gifting was on Seinfeld when the dentist character re-gifted  Elaine's label maker. Of course it has been going on since   Adam gave the resident serpent a Harry and David fruit basket...and you know who ended up with the apple.  It's just no one talked about it. And perhaps the growing affluence and materialism of our society makes for an abundance of "things" we neither want nor need.

So morally, ethically, is it okay to re-gift?  And if it is, why do we deny it? After all, the item gifted to us is ours as surely as if we had gone to the store and bought it. Mainly, I guess, we don't want to hurt the feelings of the original giver. We have to believe they put some effort into choosing something special just for us. And we wouldn't want our recipient to think they did not warrant the same effort of shopping and choosing a present. But sometimes the item is so egregiously wrong for us that we have to wonder, as we are wrapping it to give to someone else, if we are re-gifting a re-gift!

There are some rules to re-gifting. You can't have used the item. If an item of clothing, it has to be in the neighborhood of the right size and appropriate style. If food, it has to be re-gifted before the Sell-by date has expired. If the gift/re-gift is a hobby related item, the new recipient must actually participate in that hobby already. You can't claim you are introducing them to a new activity. And most importantly, you must be certain the item has not been personalized and there is no note or gift card tucked in a hidden spot. Everyone has probably heard the story of the newly weds who re-gifted a wedding present, a crystal vase. Nice re-gift but the new recipient was dismayed to discover the
vase had the wedding couples' initials etched in it. So a thorough inspection is in order before wrapping up that re-gift.

Now, back to the serious stuff...I am just over six months post reverse total shoulder replacement surgery. I have healed well. I have very good range of motion in all fields except behind my back. My surgeon says reach back but don't force it. Yes, it hurts but less and less, the more I do. What hurts is not the joint. It is the muscles where they attach to the bone. Dr. Kai says the muscles are pulled tight in order to be able to lift the arm and it is the tightness that hurts. That is exactly how it feels. He says that should improve with time and use but may always hurt some. It's okay. I am so pleased with the function that I will accept the discomfort as a necessary evil. I am hoping to build up some strength in that arm in the next six months. It is still a good bit weaker than the other arm. So lifting and pouring from a gallon of milk pushes the limit. Tincture of time, as Dear Husband says.

Oh, my hair? Still falling out but maybe the loss has slowed down. Not growing much at all.






Archive timeline: 2014: May and June - preparing for surgery, July - surgery and post op problems, 
August - recovery and physical therapy, September - thinking medically, October - getting back to 
normal. November. -still in recovery, December-6 months and holding.

Gifting...PO Day 198

How do you go about shopping for a gift for someone?

Now that Christmas is past, at least the present presenting part of it, I've been introspecting the way gifts are chosen. Do I buy what I like or what I think the recipient will like? I fear it is the former. But if I like something, really love it, how could the recipient not share my feelings? I like to cook so I don't understand the rule about not buying your wife an electric appliance for Christmas. But many women consider the gift of a kitchen tool a demeaning way of stereotypical branding. On the other hand, men don't turn up their noses at shop tools. The only problem there is that men are so specific about what they want and we females are so clueless when it comes to hardware.

Children are easy, only because they have a list. And they like everything except clothes. Why don't adults have lists? A letter to Santa would work too. It is nice to be surprised but shocked is not a good thing. When did we stop writing to Santa? Did he fail to come through a year or two in a row or did we stop believing?

Giving a book is risky, too personal. It's like taking their intellectual level and gifting based on IQ. Clothing is a minefield; too small is upsetting, too big is insulting. Jewelry is expensive unless you go costume. Would they be okay with that? Food, like baskets, is too corporate. Smelly stuff is good if you know their signature scent but I wouldn't presume to choose for someone else.

I read somewhere to think about what that person always gives you.and follow their lead. Odds are they've been gifting what they like to you so if you stay in that range they're sure to like it. It's true. Dear Sister always likes jewelry and always gifts jewelry. The only risk is that they, too, are trying to buy based on your personality and not their own.

A good combination is a small item to unwrap and an appropriate gift card so they can buy what they want. Consumer Reports doesn't like gift cards. Says it is better to just give the cash. But the gift card kiosk is so colorful and full of promise, so tempting. And a gift card is a gift. It can't be used to pay the electric bill, buy groceries or finance ones bail, no matter how essential those needs might be. Just be a little discerning. Don't buy Aunt Ethel a card to Sports Authority or your vegan grandchild a McDonald's card.

Finally, keep in mind that it's the thought that counts. And if the choice was really off the wall there is always re-gifting! But that's a whole other post.

BTW, I haven't abandoned the subject of this blog, rTSA. Just taking a break from thinking too much and relishing the holiday atmosphere.

Homemade or not..PO Day 197

There was just an incident locally where many people were sickened at an office Christmas party. It wasn't the usual food poisoning as the victims became ill almost immediately after eating and, normally, food poisoning kicks in some few hours after eating. The party was catered and it turned out that the culprit has something to do with the chemical used to heat the chafing dishes. Don't quote me, that's just what I think I heard.

But it started a conversation about holiday food and " stranger danger." I was reminded of a similar incident at an office where Dear Daughter worked several years ago. At an office Christmas party where employees brought dishes, many people who ate the mayonnaise laced food became ill. A new company rule was established...no homemade food at office parties.

Dear DIL reported that one can no longer take homemade goods to the school. No cupcakes for the teachers' lounge, no birthday cake for the little ones celebration, no cake or cookies for a fund raising bake sale! You can only bring pre-packaged commercial food items. And if the packaging has been compromised, torn, broken into, it cannot be served.

So, am I wrong to take homemade baked goods to my doctors? Are they foolish to accept and eat them? At least if they get sick they know what to do. If I bake a cake I often give a slice to the girl across the street who does not cook much. Am I endangering her health? She's a nurse so I might be able to convince her that she caught food poisoning from one of her patients. Oh, you don't think it works that way?

There is no way I will be buying commercially made baked goods for my doctors. It's the homemade way or the highway. Perhaps the hospital, in spite of being in the health care business, has not instituted the new "food police" rules. I know that during this past Christmas season I saw staff people carrying trays and plates of food in and it was not hermetically sealed. We can't protect ourselves from everything!

The Christmas letter...PO Day 196

I have never written an annual Christmas letter to include in my Christmas cards to catch my friends and family up on what was going on in my life. I could claim I was too sophisticated for such foolishness or that my life was too busy to spend a day composing the perfect synopsis or I was too modest to publicly extol my family's accomplishments. The truth is I was just never organized enough to do it.

I might have made a few disparaging remarks about the ones we did receive but the fact is I enjoyed reading them. They were like a slice of Facebook before there was Facebook. No one ever posts about a child's bad grade or a teenager's failed romance on Facebook. Likewise, the traditional Christmas letter presented a perfect world of academic success, marital harmony and fiscal solvency. It was a wonderful world.

Oh, there was the year my cousin sent out a letter detailing the agony of having had her mother in law move in with the family. That letter created more intra family phone calls than the Cuban Missle Crisis. It stands as a prototype of what not to write in a holiday letter, it certainly is the exception to the standard.

But this year there was a noticeable decline in cards received, even in cards sent. I was brutal in crossing names off of my list. A few had passed away, naturally they did not merit a card. A couple had stopped sending to us so I retaliated and did not send to them. And a few more had slipped from friend to acquaintance status, they really never were friends at all, and I heartlessly drew a black line through their names. Obviously that same scene was playing out at other breakfast tables where my name was being deleted from someone's  address book, and not because I was deceased.


I heard a "talking head" on tv discussing the death of the Christmas card this year. She thought it was partially the cost of postage but more the price of time. In our busy modern life we can compose a holiday message, even order up a lovely animated "card," hit "select all," and zip it off to dozens, even hundreds of our closest friends. We can compose a Facebook message that includes photos and background music and reach our family of friends with the tap of one key. It's too efficient to not do it.

So the art of the Christmas card is on the wane. The first warning sign was the pre-printed signature on the inside of the card. Next came the computer generated addressed envelopes. This year it is the disappearance of the Christmas letter tucked inside the card. Next year, I fear, it will be the card itself.


 But only we older baby boomers and great generation folks will notice. The younger generations have already made the emotional break from the card and envelope, stamp and address book. And mostly from the work and time it takes.

Is Christmas over? PO Day 195

For most of us, Christmas is more than one day, it's a season. The world of commerce has taught us that Christmas begins the day after thanksgiving and extends to January 6th. The longer the better so we will have more days to shop. But Christmas is not a creation of the commercial interests, in spite of how they seem to control our thoughts. Christmas is a religious celebration and the dates are founded in tradition.

Most of us think of the day after Thsnksgiving as the start of the Christmas season because of Black Friday. But if you're going to go with that date, you have to recognize the religious season called Advent. Advent lasts forty days leading up to the Epiphany on January 6th. Advent means the coming and loosely means the coming of Christ. The Advent Calendar encourages a small gift every day of the forty and has become very popular.

The Epiphany occurs on January 6th and celebrates the day the three wise men arrived in Bethlehem to welcome the baby Jesus. If you celebrate a shorter Christmas season you might prefer the Twelve days of Christmas which begin on December 24th and end on January 6th.

In many traditions, especially the German culture which brought us the chrustmas tree, the decorations do not appear until Christmas Eve. The children go to bed and the tree in all its glory appears overnight. That must have started back before parents had to stay up half the night assembling bicycles and doll houses. Plus, the tree was lit with candles, a particularly dangerous thing to do with a rapidly drying spruce tree. So the tree was a briefly occurring holiday decoration.

Electric lights and artificial trees have hugely extended the Christmas tree season. I wonder if "live" trees, which are technically "dead" trees, are sprayed with any kind of fire retardant? Perhaps not, as the chemicals might prove toxic in a closed up winter home. Even so, some people suffer allergies from the introduction of the tree into the home. Even the artificial tree can be a problem as it introduces dust and mold from the basement or attic into the living areas of the house. Every year there is at least one story about a squirrel or chipmunk or other small live critter that makes it into someone's house  hidden in the branches of the tree. Exciting!

Well, my mother added the interesting caveat to christmas tree lore...it was unlucky to leave your tree up after January 1st. She never explained why but New Years Day was always spent taking down the decorations. I doubt there was anything more to the story than a desire to get the house back in order. It is true though, as beautiful as the house looks fully decorated, it is a welcome sight to see it stripped bare of decorations.

The final Christmas challenge is incorporating all your wonderful gifts into your environment. Gift cards are easy. They can be tucked into a drawer or even a wallet. Cash fits everyone and the color goes with everything. A new sweater or piece of jewelry  isn't so hard to put away. A panini maker or a griddle grill may require some kitchen cupboard rearranging, it may even set out on the counter for a while. All the better to use it 'cause it's probably not going to get much use once it is moved to the top shelf in the pantry or the bottom shelf under the sink. If your gift is as big as a tv or a piece of furniture let's hope you knew it was coming!

So, whether Christmas is over for you today, the 26th, or you're just getting started celebrating, I hope     it brings you the peace and love we are all seeking this time of year, in deed, all year round.

Christmas Day..PO Day 194

It doesn't seem appropriate to write a post about transparency in hospital billing or the significance of the color of the "scrubs" the different hospital workers wear. It's Christmas and my thoughts should travel a higher road today. Maybe a post about aspiring to live a better life or how to make a difference in the world would be a good topic today. but it's hard to broach those subjects without sounding pious at best, preachy most likely.

I do want to be a better person, not just today but every day. The problem is that life gets in the way.
I'm impatient or too busy. Too busy to be nice? At least too busy to be considerate sometimes. I would like to make a difference in the world. I just can't go to a third world country and volunteer for a year. I have responsibilities here, people who depend on me here. Can't I be heroic here? Don't the little things here count?

Isn't there a humanitarian award for the mom who quietly raises good children? Or for the spouse who stands by the partner undergoing serious medical treatment? Maybe those acts are only valued when they are done selflessly with no expectation of recognition. I do think it's true that if you do a good deed expecting a reward, the good deed turns into a black mark on that cosmic report card.

Bravery and courage aren't just for the good soldier. A friend facing a scary diagnosis who stoically endures the onslaught of medical interventions deserves a battlefield commission. But the most she gets is a new pair of hospital socks with the grippers on the soles.

There is no public adulation, no awards ceremony, no red carpet gala celebrating those little victories over indifference or detachment or self pity. We are at our  best when no one notices but we persevere and do the right thing, hopefully for the right reason. I guess that is most I can hope for.